In this age of social media, if you blink twice, you may miss something. And because everything is now fast-paced, clarity is often lost in the noise of click-bait headlines, unending chatter of Twitter lords and visual excesses of Instagram sensations.
Enters TrueYarn to sift through the clutter, offer some insight, common sense and help you read between the lines of the ‘things wey dey happen for obodo Naija’.
Here goes:
Save Nigeria from Bobrisky
Nowadays, Segun Runsewe is working like a new employee – two years after his appointment as DG of National Council for Arts and Culture.
In the past one month, the self-anointed saviour of Nigerian culture has been doing the most; fighting ants and hugging headlines.
Having already declared war on BBNaija and Tekno Miles, Runsewe has now turned his attention to Bobrisky, the male cross-dresser he christened “a national disgrace”.
Runsewe wants us to believe that Bobrisky’s brand is spreading like wildfire and needs more attention than Nigeria’s dilapidated tourism sites.
To prevent potential suicides of “the typical Nigerian parent” who “would not want to see their child become a Bobrisky”, the Nigerian culture protector has declared an all-out war.
Cross-dressers investigators, he says, have reliably informed him “that over twenty-three Nigerian boys are already starting Bobrisky’s brand”.
Hence, he needs to act now – and save Nigeria from Bobrisky.
Burna love triangle
For some reason, Princess Shyngle’s video chat with Burna Boy recently found its way to social media – leading to insinuations that the latter had pulled a Yoruba demon on Stefflon Don.
Shyngle, best known for having a tiny waist and big bum, appears to have dated Burna before he had diamond grills in his teeth.
So when the video of her spending time with Burna surfaced, it elicited a flurry of reactions on social media – but smart alecs knew the plot was hatched in Gambia.
However, the plan worked – and now here we are hopping on the bandwagon, talking about the tiny-waisted ex-lover of Michael Essien.
TBoss’ open secret
A few days ago, TBoss revealed the most popular open secret in the Nigerian entertainment industry; that she’s been keeping her pregnancy on the low-low.
The ex-BBNaija star says she deliberately hid the pregnancy from nosy folks on social media to avoid “the negativity of little & sad minded people”.
According to TBoss, all her friends were in the loop and since you are not her friend, mind your business.
After all, it’s not a crime to hide one’s pregnancy even after sharing everything else on social media for the past two years.
Fraudsters unsafe
May we have a moment of silence for Yahoo boys, con artists, 419ers and others in the family.
These are not the best of times for their industry with crack downs from left, right and centre; at home and abroad.
Before the dust could settle on the now-famous ‘Nigerian 80’, the EFCC arrested 33 of their local colleagues in Imo while still rounding up a number of them in other states.
It’s at times like this that government’s intervention is required in an industry that has helped many families, funded music careers, elections and several start-ups.
There’s no winner in all of these, except maybe for pastors, Imams and herbalists whom will offer protection to hunted members of the fraud industry.
Muslim Daddy Freeze
The Daddy Freeze of Islam, Imam Mohamad Tawhidi, is back again to shake some tables.
This time, Tawhidi’s object of attention is the burqa-wearing Muslim women and their burqa-encouraging husbands.
In a bid to free the Muslim Sheeple, the Imam said the women who fall in the above category need urgent medical attention.
As for their husbands, he says they can “go to hell”.
Safe journey.
Dino’s dry spell
Fans of Dino Melaye should expect no song from his Ájekun Iya record label any time soon.
The superstar, skinny jeans-wearing senator will be busy working hard to ensure that the jubilation over his sack from the senate is “short-lived”.
For the time being, Melaye will ditch his camera and freestyle sessions to ‘somehow’ prove that the 48,200 excess votes should not have been the basis for his sack.
We now look forward to a dull senate that had already been deprived of our much-loved dancing-senator.
Toke’s Toxic Take
Dear ladies, Toke Makinwa says it is important to occasionally ruin your man’s day just for the fun of it.
The OAP says she’s the kind of woman that “will piss my man off to mess up with his day” – especially when he has an important day, meeting or is about to close up a deal.
She says it helps to argue for nothing and also distract him with a raunchy picture while he’s at that important meeting.
Dear men, may you never fall into the arms of a woman who will destabilise you on an important work day just to spice things up.
Amen.
Side-EYE
If you must lie to the gullible folks on social media, for chrissakes, be extremely careful.
How can you share pictures of you in business class and your economy class ticket sticks out like a sore thumb?
Chuks D General, please do better next time. Faking it takes serious effort. You can’t be careless.