In this age of social media, if you blink twice, you may miss something. And because everything is now fast-paced, clarity is often lost in the noise of clickbait headlines, unending chatter of Twitter lords and visual excesses of Instagram sensations.
Enters TrueYarn to sift through the clutter, offer some insight, common sense and help you read between the lines of the ‘things wey dey happen for obodo Naija’.
Here goes:
Molestation of Bob
The Risky Bob of Lagos is certainly not having the best week.
A few days after he woke up with menstrual pains, Bobrisky suffered public molestation on the streets of Lagos.
After having his Range Rover bashed and his phone smashed on the ground, Bobrisky was then assaulted by a fellow man.
Although Bob said he “fought him like I was on something”, the viral video only showed him being beaten up.
PSA: Please come forward if you have the video of ‘Bob In Action’.
Meanwhile, a certain government-appointed culture defender must have had a fat scowl on his face as Nigerians banded together to rise in support of the self-acclaimed transgender whose extermination is a serious project before him.
Hungry Nigerian Lion
In what is a sign of the times, a lion fled its cage in Kano zoo on Sunday for no other reason but to find food.
The lion did not leave the premises of the zoo like the one which escaped from Jos Wildlife Park in December 2015.
This one was so hungry that it simply made its way to the one place where ‘goat meat’ is available.
While there was panic around Kano metropolis, the king of the jungle was busy having a picnic, devouring all the goats in the zoo.
Talk about a lion that knows what it wants.
Mompha’s Leave Of Absence
After sending many Nigerians into depression with his lavish displays on Instagram, Ismaila ‘Mompha’ Mustapha is now on a temporary, forced leave of absence.
The Instagram celebrity was picked up by EFCC operatives while on his way back to his ‘Pepper Dem’ base in Dubai.
The anti-graft agency said while he was tensioning people with top shelf designer garbs and luxury whips on social media, he was allegedly carrying out “criminal activities under the cover of being a Bureau De Change operator”.
For no apparent sensible reason, the EFCC decided to parade him alongside HIS OWN N20 million designer wristwatches.
Kemi Olunloyo Off The Wagon
Kemi Olunloyo has been skipping her meds of late and the signs are starting to get all too clear.
The Twitter rants of the social media personality – who is an investigative journalist in her head – are getting more bizarre by the day.
After superstar singer Davido welcomed his third child, Olunloyo posted a tweet which read, “Davido’s son arrived the day he sexually harassed me”.
Before your mind races back and forth, know this: she was referring to a 2018 Twitter post in which the singer said she needs to get laid.
Meanwhile, after congratulating Chioma on the arrival of her newborn, audio queen and sex products seller, Jaruma, just had to add that the death of Davido’s mother will make his marriage last longer.
Many people are skipping meds, it appears.
Tippy Tap Folly
In this part of the world, we like to show off everything we are doing.
That uncommon trait can, perhaps, best explain our politicians’ love for commissioning everything and anything – no matter how insignificant and basic.
A few days ago, the Enugu first lady kept the tradition alive by commissioning tippy taps in a primary school in the state.
Seeing as it costs a whopping N10,000 to construct a tippy tap, it was absolutely imperative for Monica Ugwuanyi to make the trip down for the all-important commissioning.
Next time, it will be more fitting to take the governor along.
Side-EYE
After 13 attempts at doing the same thing over and over again, the Headies still can’t get it right.
The folks at SoundCity must have had a big laugh over the endless glitches and dreary show we were stuffed with last Saturday.
For how long shall Nigerians be subjected to this mediocrity?
