In this age of social media, if you blink twice, you may miss something. And because everything is now fast-paced, clarity is often lost in the noise of click-bait headlines, unending chatter of Twitter lords and visual excesses of Instagram sensations.
Enters TrueYarn to sift through the clutter, offer some insight, common sense and help you read between the lines of the ‘things wey dey happen for obodo Naija’.
Here goes:
Omokri, the begging expert
Mr. Reno Omokri of Twitter fame is a world-renowned researcher of begging trends and practices.
Having spent many many years studying Nigerian beggars and collecting country-wide empirical data, anything Mr. Omokri says on the subject-matter is incontestable.
Given his expertise and PhD in beggar-ology, no one born of a woman dares argue with his “researched truth” that there are no Igbo beggars in Nigeria.
Mr. Omokri can never be wrong — not even when he’s dangerously generalizing.
All the beggars roaming the streets of Owerri, Awka and Abakaliki have migrated abroad.
Khloe’s naked joy
As a reality TV star, if you haven’t posed semi-nude, you have not arrived.
One year after participating in BBNaija Double Wahala, Koko or Khloe is contesting with the current ‘Pepper Dem’ housemates for our attention.
She succeeded — and here we are.
Inspired by Beyonce and Wizkid’s collaboration, the BBNaija alumnus deemed it fit to show that she’s a bonafide ‘Brown Skin Girl’.
Koko or Khloe says she “so happy with myself right now” that she decided to tease us with the boob-covering semi-nude pictures.
Even if you are not fully satisfied with the little she shared, don’t be an enemy of progress. Listen to Koko or Khloe and “choke on the pics”.
Desmond’s genius idea
There’s something in Nigerian politics that makes politicians smarter by miles than the rest of us living in multidimensional poverty.
That smart pill appears to be working for Desmond Elliot and the ‘genius’ in him is rapidly manifesting.
The actor turned director turned politician says the banning of foreign content is the panacea for improving Nollywood.
“Treat it like you’re importing rice. Ban all foreign content, make it difficult for all foreign content to come in, so your local content can grow,” he says.
Elliot is right. Piracy, poor acting, shoddy directing, inadequate funding and distribution as well as predictable storylines CANNOT be the problem.
Once we ban Netflix, Showmax and the likes, Nollywood will floor Hollywood like Andy Ruiz knocked out Anthony Joshua.
From Masha to Adelabu, all the agberos in Surulere must be proud of Elliot’s genius idea.
Jada’s 24 hours of reflection
It took only 24 hours for Jada Pollock to realise that her Instagram account was hacked sometime last week.
Herself and Wizkid were busy making passionate, marathon sex — and as such failed to notice that a hacker was soiling their names on Instagram.
The manager and baby mama of Wizkid has denied making accusations of domestic violence against the singer.
Pollock says her Instagram account was compromised.
“I guarantee that the statement written was not by my hand,” she said on the day before Beyonce released the Wizkid-featured ‘The Gift’ album.
The hacker must have simply read her mind. What a mind-reading hacker!
Efe, rich forever
Efe Ejeba deserves a spot in Rick Ross’s Maybach Music Group (MMG) — because he’s rich forever.
“Since I comot for the house, I neva use N1 from the N25million inside my music career. I no fit broke for my life again.”
Interpretation 1: The artiste listened to your advice against investing his N25 winnings in his music career — since you all said music is not his calling.
Interpretation 2: Efe has been getting freebies based on love from many players in the entertainment industry.
Interpretation 3: He doesn’t really need favours again. He’s made for life.
Side-EYE
Semi-talented comedian Ushbebe says Mercy and Tacha, both housemates of the ongoing BBNaija show, are veteran sex workers.
According to Ushbebe, the reality TV stars are well known in the sex-work industry.
And even though Ushbebe didn’t explain how he came to know this, we all know that it takes a client to recognize a sex worker.
So, why is Ushbebe shaming his business partners?