Chrissy Teigen Pens Lengthy Essay Addressing her Miscarriage

Following her tragic miscarriage, model and author Chrissy Teigen has shared a deeply personal essay published on Medium. The supermodel opened up about the loss of her baby and gave a powerful tribute to her miscarried third child, who she named Jack.

“I had no idea when I would be ready to write this,” Teigen began her essay, which she published on Tuesday, Oct. 27. “Part of me thought it would be early on, when I was still really feeling the pain of what happened.”

First, she thanked everyone who reached out to her.

  
 
 
 
 
 
 
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 I didn’t know how to come back to real life so I wrote this piece for Medium with hopes that I can somehow move on but as soon as I posted it, tears flew out because it felt so....final. I don’t want to ever not remember jack. . . Thank you to everyone who has been so kind. Thank you to the incredible doctors who tried so hard to make our third life a reality. Thank you to my friends and family and our entire household for taking care of me through all the adult diaper changes, bed rest and random hugs. Thank you John for being my best friend and love of my life. A lot of people think of the woman in times like this but I will never forget that john also suffered through these past months, while doing everything he could to take care of me. I am surrounded, in a human therapy blanket of love. I am grateful and healing and feel so incredibly lucky to witness such love.
 
A post shared by  chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) on Oct 27, 2020 at 2:01pm PDT
 

The 34-year-old star explained, “I didn’t really know how I would start this, no matter the room or state I was in, but it feels right to begin with a thank you.”

“For weeks, our floors have been covered in flowers of kindness. Notes have flooded in and have each been read with our own teary eyes. Social media messages from strangers have consumed my days, most starting with, ‘you probably won’t read this, but…’ I can assure you, I did.”

Teigen explained that many of the messages she received also began with “‘You don’t have to respond to this…,'” which she described as a “true relief.”

“After we first lost Jack, I found myself incredibly worried that I wasn’t able to thank everyone for their extreme kindness,” she mentioned. “Many shared incredible personal experiences, some shared books and poems.”

“I wanted to thank everyone, share our story with each individual person. But I knew I was in no state to. For me, the ‘no need to respond’ note was such a true relief. I thank you for each and every one of those.”

In her essay, the Cravings author also touched on the personal moments she had the day she was expected to give birth.

“At this point, I had already come to terms with what would happen: I would have an epidural and be induced to deliver our 20-week old, a boy that would have never survived in my belly (please excuse these simple terms),” she recalled thinking. “I was previously on bed rest for over a month, just trying to get the little dude to 28 weeks, a ‘safer’ zone for the fetus.”

Teigen revealed that she has had issues before

She said her doctor had diagnosed her with “partial placenta abruption,” something she mentioned she had experienced with her second child. However, with her third pregnancy, she encountered other issues.

“I had to deliver Miles a month early because his stomach wasn’t getting enough food from my placenta,” she shared, adding, “But this was my first abruption. We monitored it very closely, hoping for things to heal and stop. In bed, I bled and bled, lightly but all day, changing my own diapers every couple of hours when the blood got uncomfortable to lay in.”

But things didn’t work out like they expected…

  
 
 
 
 
 
 
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 We are shocked and in the kind of deep pain you only hear about, the kind of pain we’ve never felt before. We were never able to stop the bleeding and give our baby the fluids he needed, despite bags and bags of blood transfusions. It just wasn’t enough. . . We never decide on our babies’ names until the last possible moment after they’re born, just before we leave the hospital.  But we, for some reason, had started to call this little guy in my belly Jack.  So he will always be Jack to us.  Jack worked so hard to be a part of our little family, and he will be, forever. . . To our Jack - I’m so sorry that the first few moments of your life were met with so many complications, that we couldn’t give you the home you needed to survive.  We will always love you. . . Thank you to everyone who has been sending us positive energy, thoughts and prayers.  We feel all of your love and truly appreciate you. . . We are so grateful for the life we have, for our wonderful babies Luna and Miles, for all the amazing things we’ve been able to experience.  But everyday can’t be full of sunshine.  On this darkest of days, we will grieve, we will cry our eyes out. But we will hug and love each other harder and get through it.
 
A post shared by  chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) on Sep 30, 2020 at 8:58pm PDT
 

Chrissy Teigen recalled when her doctor told her she was having a miscarriage. “After a couple of nights at the hospital,” she recalled, “my doctor told me exactly what I knew was coming; it was time to say goodbye.”

“He just wouldn’t survive this, and if it went on any longer, I might not either,” she expressed. “We had tried bags and bags of blood transfusions, every single one going right through me like we hadn’t done anything at all.”

“Late one night, the doctor told me it would be time to let go in the morning. I cried a little at first, then went into full-blown convulsions of snot and tears; my breath not able to catch up with my own incredibly deep sadness.”

She added, “Even as I write this now, I can feel the pain all over again. Oxygen was placed over my nose and mouth, and that was the first picture you saw. Utter and complete sadness.”

Then she addresses the pictures which many had critical opinions about.

“I lived it, I chose to do it. More than anything, these photos aren’t for anyone but the people who have lived this or are curious enough to wonder what something like this is like,” she pointed out. “These photos are only for the people who need them. The thoughts of others do not matter to me.”

She, her mom and husband were able to give Jack their “own private goodbyes”. And while Chrissy Teigen and her loved ones are still mourning the miscarriage; the author explained that penning her essay had helped the healing process

Read Chrissy’s full essay here.