It’s Valentine’s Day, a fun and exciting time to celebrate love and romance. Love is in the air, and social media is awash with posts of lovers — especially celebrities — sharing chocolates, wine and other often expensive gifts. It is also a good time to analyse your relationship and ensure your relationship stands the test of time. In the spirit of the season, for this Valentine’s Day special, Eelive.ng will be discussing love and marriage in the Nigerian entertainment industry and why it is so easy for things to fall apart.
So while you celebrate this season with the one you love, take a look at 10 lessons to learn from failed celebrity marriages.
1. Set Aside Your Ego
One of the biggest problems that can exist in a relationship especially between two stars is ego. It’s always important to consider your partner’s needs and wants, not just your own. But since many celebrities are accustomed to being the centre of attention and admiration, this doesn’t always work out. When two powerful people start asking one another to give up attention and time, resentment can brew.
2. Know Your Partner
If you are in a new relationship with someone, make sure you love their positive qualities and are perfectly able to tolerate the ones that aren’t so great. Don’t rush into things so you don’t have regrets when your partner begins to show their true self.
Actress Padita Agu admitted in a YouTube video that she was pressured into marriage by her friends and did not even know her husband that well, as they got married shortly after they met. According to her, she was so unhappy in the three years of her marriage that she considered suicide.
Actress Tonto Dikeh made many accusations about her ex-husband Olakunle Churchill following their separation. She claimed she did not know him too well before she married him and was shocked at how many vices and shortcomings he allegedly has.
3. Keep Private Things Private
Another reason why celebrity marriages are prone to falling apart is the public intruding in their private lives. Celebrities often suffer intense, unrelenting pressure of public and professional scrutiny. For many, it’s just too much to handle. This is why it is important to keep things within the relationship unless abuse is in the picture.
Actress Lilian Esoro told a fan to back off after they posted a comment under her post, asking how ex-husband Ubi Franklin could leave a woman so beautiful
In an interview, happily married Omotola Jalade-Ekeinde identified the inability of her colleagues to “draw the lines between their profession and family” as the reason behind their failed marriages.
4. Loyalty is Important
Celebrities face significantly more temptation than regular people because they are recognisable and people want access to their fame and wealth. Although many people overlook it in their marriages, infidelity is a deal-breaker and broken trust is hard to repair.
Back in 2017, actress and internet personality Toke Makinwa revealed that her then-husband of three years had cheated on her with his ex-girlfriend and it resulted in a pregnancy. Their already rocky relationship suffered a downward slide after that.
In addition to neglect and financial irresponsibility, Afropop star Tiwa Savage revealed in a tell-all video in 2016 that her ex-husband had cheated on her with a woman whose number he had saved as “edible catering”.
Quite a number of celebrities have gotten entangled in cheating rumours, and it usually does not bode well for their marriages.
5. Spend Time Together
Celebrities are always on the move; from one set to another, shooting in distant locations, attending premieres and making appearances. As such, one of the issues that take a toll on celebrity marriages is not making time out to spend with their partners.
When you’re so caught up in the hustle that you barely get to see your partner, you may start to grow apart. So prioritise your partner and always try to make time for love.
6. Be Friends with your Partner
Many divorced couples will testify that the best relationships are those built on a basis of trust, mutual respect, and friendship. A foundation of friendship helps you and your partner lovingly communicate issues before they escalate and shake the foundation of the relationship.
Actor Majid Michael said in an interview that marriages were breaking down because people did not know how to have a relationship outside of sex. They don’t know how to talk to a person or how to be friends. According to him, this is why many relationships and marriages are breaking down.
7. Be Willing to Make Compromises
In any intimate relationship, something’s got to give. You have to be willing to let some things go for your partner. Veteran actor Zack Orji said in an interview with Legit.ng, “A lot of people go into marriage without being ready to make the necessary sacrifices. So at the slightest provocation, they are ready to opt out; when it’s supposed to be a commitment for life. In good or bad times, you hang in there.”
He continued, “If you truly love someone, your focus will be on doing what you can to make them happy, not on finding faults”. This does not apply to any form of abuse or infidelity.
8. Know Your Limit
It is important to set healthy boundaries in a relationship and communicate what is unacceptable to you. Also, enforce those boundaries and know when enough is enough.
Actress Chika Ike in an interview detailing how her marriage ended advised couples to “be true to yourself in the marriage”. “Everybody has a limit,” Ike continued. “There are some things in marriage that you might not be able to stand”. Learn to set healthy boundaries and know what your limit is.
9. Don’t be afraid to Walk Away
Before you commit to someone else, make sure to love yourself first. The way you love yourself will show your partner what boundaries they can’t cross. If your marriage is becoming a threat to your safety and sanity, you have to remove yourself from that environment; instead of staying because of what people might say.
Actresses Monalisa Chinda, Chika Ike, Iyabo Ojo, Mercy Aigbe, and Bose Oladimeji, all divorced, admitted to being victims of abuse in their marriages.
Using herself as an example, Iyabo Ojo encouraged women not to hold on to marriages that do not make them happy. “A bad marriage is a bad marriage no matter how you want to paint it,” she said.
10. Divorce Does not Make you a Failure
You need to understand that sometimes a relationship can run its course. Not everyone is meant to be together forever, and that’s okay. If you put your heart into it and get disappointed, don’t take it as a personal failure. Learn from it and move on.
Actress Iyabo Ojo told fans on her Instagram Live that she was initially afraid to leave her abusive marriage because she was “afraid of being tagged a failure”. But upon leaving and focusing on her career and her children, she found peace and satisfaction.
Actor Adeniyi Johnson, who was married to actress Toyin Abraham, said a failed marriage was just a setback and “a gained experience”.
What lessons have you learned from your relationship? You can share them in the comments section below.
Happy Valentine’s Day!